
This is a choose-your-own-ending post.
If you pronounce it Kee-fur, keh-feer, kah-feer, kee-feer,or keh-feer go to the first paragraph.
If you don’t pronounce it because you don’t know what it is, go to the second paragraph.
(1st paragraph) The kefir in this video is made with young green coconut milk. You can make it without the actual kefir grains if you use store-bought Kefir to put into the coconut milk, which is available at any local Fruitful Yield, Egg Store, Trader Joe’s or other health food store. Go to paragraph 4 if you think that watching a very buff guy make unpasteurized old chunky milk sounds probiotically appetizing. If not, buzz off - or go to paragraph 3 if you wish to skip Beefy McMuscles.
(2nd paragraph) “Kefir is a fermented milk drink that originated in the Caucasus region. It is prepared by inoculating cow, goat, or sheep’s milk with kefir grains.” If that sounds gross, it’s really just milky yogurt which tastes like plain yogurt with a slight tartness. Don’t worry, you don’t drink it straight. Unless you’re a freak. Then you chug it by the gallon. Go to paragraph 3 if this sounds like your gig. If not, go to another post.
(3rd paragraph) Kefir grains are available from hobbyists like the people in this list we procured. Remember, you make Kefir using kefir grains and a milk product. If you’re ready to watch people make it on Youtube, go to paragraph 7. Confused? Go to paragraph 5.
(4th paragraph) Youtube has the video for you. Watch muscle-man (didn’t quite catch his name…) make Kefir. He can teach you, if you pay attention. If not, this Kefir’s never going to get finished. DO IT. Go to paragraph 6.
(5th paragraph) You’re done. But we love you anyway. You get eaten by the werewolf-vampire-haystack-chlamydia-SARS monster. Go back to the beginning, grasshopper - until you reach universal enlightenment. Or at least paragraph 6.
(6th paragraph) All right. You watched the nice man make young green coconut milk and now you’re comfortable making it yourself. No more IBS! No more Chron’s! No more Ulcerative Colitis! No more farting from too much milk! (maybe.) You win the prize… Yatta! Now look up how to add fresh fruits to make it a smoothie and it won’t taste weird!
(7th paragraph) Here’s the video to make Kefir out of young green coconuts! You’ve almost made it! Once you’ve watched and are all-systems go, go to paragraph 6.
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